commemoration

The commemoration of the 1994 genocide started this past Saturday, April 7th, the genocide in 1994 began on April 8th. On our way home from work on the 6th my boss told me what the next day would consist of. 

He said that there would be a series of meetings in each community where people from that community would meet to voice their grief, memories, and current trials in their life. These meetings serve as a form of group therapy, remembrance, and reconciliation work. He said that it would be an all day event and every shop would be closed. 

He nonchalantly said that I should probably just stay home and sleep. I thought this was odd. I said that maybe I could go into our office so that I could finish some homework. He quickly snapped back something along the lines of, no, no, no, you definitely should’t be working during commemoration and probably shouldn’t show your face. There is a lot of discussion during commemoration about how white people’s actions or rather, or in some cases inactions, caused and continued the genocide. 

My boss, seeing that I was upset went on to say that it is very “bad” to generalize people into an entire race like that. Generalizations that me, a white person, had something to do with this countries past events. How could you not see a white person in a place like Rwanda, where we stick out like sore thumbs, and not associate us to the white people that affected your country so negatively?

It is hard not to hear that statement and think about how my ancestors and people of the western world did the same thing, make general sweeping assertions about whole races. Feeling guilty about either my ancestors or my races actions that lead me to feelings of shame, guilt, and embarrassment. When people give you glaring stares in Africa you can’t help but think of history. At least I can’t…

Anyways, Saturday came and went, I spent my day in the fortress that is our house, hidden away behind high walls like I was a leaper with my white skin and hair. Then on Sunday, the actual day of the genocide’s anniversary, everything seemed to go the same. Because it was a Sunday (church day) the meetings and commemoration seemed to come to a lull. My boss went to a few meetings during the evening, but I never heard a word about them. I nearly thought I would go through the whole 24th anniversary of the 1994 genocide with hearing a word. 

Then came Monday morning. We arrived at work and I though I would be at the office for the day. Until a few minutes later when my boss called me into his office and informed me that he had been invited to a commemoration event in the Kayonza district. He wanted to extent the invitation to me. He was concerned that I would feel uncomfortable going. After his previous statements about how Rwandans feel about white people during the commemoration, I was understandably nervous. He said that because the meeting was in a rural area this wouldn’t be as much of an issue. I’m not sure why it being in a rural area made it more socially acceptable for me to go but I trusted his opinion. I could tell he wanted me to experience this, so I agreed. He figured that the drive was far enough and we had enough stops to make at the different cooperatives in the region that we should spend the night. I said “FUN! SLUMBER PARTY” and we were off. 

The WD4H business coordinator joined us and we embarked on the 2 hour drive. I was really unworried about the event until we got there. Upon arrival there were hundreds of people joined around a mass grave in a field. I asked my boss again, this time a bit more pressingly, “You are SURE this is okay? Maybe I should wait in the car for a bit”. He insisted saying, “I won’t allow it”. So onward, we trekked through the field to the mass grave. The mass grave was rectangular area that was approximately 30 feet by 20 feet, enclosed by a gate and covered by a roof. The two later aspects were adding to the grave as means of giving a respectful burial to the deceased and give a place of grieving for people mourning. After placing flowers on the grave we all took a seat. 

From the moment I arrived I was getting the oddest looks. Most of them I could not identify. I didn’t want to make eye contact long enough to dissect these looks or offend or send some kind of message, I’m not sure what the message would be. Some were blatantly unhappy about my presence but then again it was a serious event in general and Rwandans are very serious people. Were they expressing the seriousness of the situation while making eye contact with me? I couldn’t be sure. Some gave me grins and shook my hand and two girls insisted on taking pictures with me while I was walking to the bathroom. It was all quite disorienting. 

The thing that made me the most comfortable was that throughout the event my boss was translating what was being said. If I had been just sitting there listening to Kinyarwanda, not understanding a word, then what would be the point of me being there. It felt like the people viewed me as an outsider observing them in something deeply personal they were experiencing. Which in fact I was. But with my boss translating the speeches, people saw that I was getting the messages being shared, and I was close enough with someone among them that was comfortable enough to share what was happening. 

The event went on for a while but I am just going to share two parts that intrigued me. They invited an older woman to come up and talk about her experience as a genocide survivor. She began speaking and instantly her voice was quivering. She was talking about how she was forced to watch the murders killed her husband with a “traditional weapon” or a machete. As she was talking about the killers, she explained how she usually works towards reconciliation and has forgiven them. But she went on to say that on this day she can call them as they are, dogs. She went on to rant about what horrible, savage dogs they were.

I thought this was interesting given the fact that with all of the reconciliation, forgiveness, and efforts to tear down divisions I wouldn’t expect to hear someone say these things. Of course she is still in pain and angry and grieving. But I think the most interesting part of the genocide is how strongly social structures can take control of peoples actions. In this case the government and propaganda made the killers believe the people they are killing is less than human. Before this commemoration event I thought that reconciliation efforts were more aimed at addressing how higher powers like the government or propaganda can influence people to commit horrible crimes. But this event showed me that is there is still a lot of blaming the individuals.

Then a member of parliament came to talk to the group. He went on to talk about how the previous woman was referring to the killers as dogs. He said that they shouldn’t get the title of dogs because at least dogs protect houses. These killers should get a title less than dogs. Then he went on to explain how the crime of genocide is far different/worse than any other crime. He wasn’t making specific claims but he was referring to the fact that the army that defeated the genocidaires, that is the still in power currently, is accused of committing serious crimes during the time of the genocide as well. This is a very touchy subject because some people believe that there should be justice served for these crimes as well. While the government reasons that there is a definitive difference between genocide and the crimes they committed, and they should not be compared in the same realm. That is what this government official was trying to make clear. 

After leaving this event we went to the house of one of our co-op members. My boss told me that during this time of commemoration the co-ops work to pool some money together to help one of the co-op members that is especially suffering, and especially suffering in regards to the genocide. The man that this co-op was assisting had recently been robbed and his mattress had been taken. The co-op members joined together to purchase him a new mattress. 

I'm not sure how to articulate this experience but I think was my first time seeing a community of people come together in such a selfless, thoughtful way in order to help one of their own. It was especially impressive to see people that are struggling so much financially be able to/desire to do this for one another. The most important part of this gesture was not the material action of giving a mattress, but this man feeling his community members caring about him and willing to help him. Also, this man was not the only benefiting, the people gifting were also benefiting from this sense of community. It is similar to that feeling you get when you give someone that you really care about a gift. It is in human nature to care about each other, and want to be generous and share. I said this to my boss and responded with a saying, the gifting hand is more blessed than the receiving hand. 

After spending some time with this community we went onto dinner at a local hotel that is nestled on a lake. Soon after arriving people started streaming through the hotel to hold a service next to the lake. During the genocide many people had been murdered next to this lake and their bodies had been thrown into the water. These people came to remember and grieve those they had lost in this lake. During the service one young girl had a horrible episode. She dropped to the ground and become hysterically crying and screaming for her mother that had died there. This was even more dramatic because as I said before, Rwandans are so serious. None of the other people attending were crying, but this girl was lying on the ground and could not be consoled for over a half hour. This outbreak shows how much is still simmering under the surface of this seemingly recovered and peaceful society. While looking at all these stern faced people and then at this young girl uncontrollably crying I felt lie I saw a glimpse into what these people that had to be calm and composed were actually feeling.

That night we stayed at my coworker's families house in the region where we spent the day. The commemoration activities continued there where we all sat down to watch the news. On this news channel they were broadcasting statistics on how much of the Rwandan population thought reconciliation was possible. They compared these stats over the period of years and the amount of people that thought reconciliation was possible grew quite a bit. Then the news program moved to showing people digging up graves that were created during the genocide and reburying these people properly with respect and love. To see this occurring 24 years after the genocide took place was eye opening to say the least.

The next day the commemoration activities continued as we visited a group of WD4H student sponsees that were working to rebuild one of their fellow student's mothers house. This mother is a widow from the genocide and has been struggling very much financially and obviously emotionally since the genocide. To see these students join together for the day to help this woman rebuild her home was beyond words. These young students were using this time and their effort as an extension of their appreciation of getting a sponsorship from WD4H. These student's have also been witnessing these acts of selflessness and community for a very long time. I think that one of the most beneficial parts of our cooperatives and the relationships they create is what they are instilling in these children and the adults they will make